@johntabin: Contemplating the merits of the Oxford comma as I head down to Florida to see my parents, Donald Trump and Marco Rubio
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@Midgetspar: You don't understand how hard it is to play Dungeons & Dragons when your dragon is gay, fabulous and always protesting violence. It's hard.
@fridaycandy: I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is "love" but it's actually "floor" .
@NicestHippo: Piracy dates back to the 14th century, when armed criminals boarded ships and viciously watched movies that weren't out yet
@caperbc75: My dream girl? Dirty blond hair, strong arms, cold eyes, immaculately shaped facial hair, no remorse -Are you describing Chuck Norris? Yes