@NicCageMatch: Contents of my wallet just spilled all over the cashier's counter, so embarrassing, spiders everywhere.
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@shutupmikeginn: Banned from Yelp for including "the rat seems to be vulnerable to attacks from behind or when adjusting mask" in my Chuck E Cheese review
@themiltron: scully: victim died of multiple stab wounds mulder: *throws her a file* ever heard of the knife alien
@Dirty_Naomi: I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
@novicefather: Picked up our Christmas tree from the lot today AND my wife hasn't shaved in 3 weeks. Noble fir in the streets. Noble fur in the sheets.