@WildeThingy: Conveniently, the sound from their early Saturday morning lawn mowers covers the noise of my sniper rifle.
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@leechee420: $10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that'd be a great name for my new baby!"
@dshack8: 3 Best Uses for Oven Timers: 1. Remind you of beer in the freezer 2. Pizza rolls 3. Notify guests when their time's up & they should leave
@bvinson23: I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I'm an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It's because I'm poor.
@XplodingUnicorn: Door-to-door Christian guy: Jesus loves you. Me: Really? Just me? Him: Well, no. He loves everyone. Me: I don't have time for players.