@WildeThingy: Conveniently, the sound from their early Saturday morning lawn mowers covers the noise of my sniper rifle.
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@jazmasta: "We suspect you may have inability to vocalise emotion disease" "I can't say I'm surprised" *doc strokes beard* "Hmm yes.Just as we thought"
@MrAdamBez: I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover. ... Wait.
@alldrolledup: when your neighbor cuts his grass and suddenly your place looks like a good place to score meth
@SweatyJester: If a picture says a thousand words, why do you need 22 hashtags on your Instagram photographs?