@BuckyIsotope: Cookie Monster delivering the eulogy at Bert's funeral. Head bowed low. Stillness. "Me want cookies," he sadly intones. "Me want cookies."
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@SteveSuckington: Fun prank: 1. Steal your married friends phone 2. Change your name to 'Brandi from the club' 3. Call repeatedly at 3AM and hang up
@GuttaLikeNoOtha: One problem with autocorrect is that you always end up posting some thong that you didn't Nintendo.
@murrman5: My boss said when I'm at work, I should lay off the Doritos. I said "you're the boss if you wanna fire Bob Dorito and his brother you do it"
@Marlebean: It's like the only thing my kids learned from Snow White is that fruit is horribly poisonous.