@fricken_jess: Cool story bro, needs more dragons and shit - how Game of Thrones started, probably.
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@WigCannon: your call is important to us. like, super important. we all bought new outfits for this call. dave is wearing a wig
@tonsmorecowbell: Somewhere in Africa, a bunch of orphans are about to be running around in confederate flag shirts.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 3-year-old dumped pudding in her pocket. Novice dad reaction: "You ruined your pants." Veteran dad: "Thank God. I thought it was poop."
@JB4Realz: HER: I'm leaving! ME: Is it because I always put Doritos in your shoes? *she just turns & walks away* (crunch) (crunch) (crunch) (crunch)