@fricken_jess: Cool story bro, needs more dragons and shit - how Game of Thrones started, probably.
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@MacAnnabella: My friend's offering to pay for a trip to NY to be her +1 for a wedding. She's probably going to drug me & sell my organs. *agrees to go :)
@SortaBad: I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
@BestestNerdDad: When dating, I only have 3 dates to get a woman hooked on me because thats how many nice shirts i have.
@Laser_Cat: [wife answering phone] Gary, it's 3am! Where are you? "I don't have time for questions, but if you ever wanted a peacock tell me now!"