@slimmy_shady: Cop: Are you drunk or high on drugs? Me: No officer. Cop: Your pupils are dilated. Me: (Paranoid) WHA!, how'd you know I teach fat kids?!
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@horselythighs: Elijah Wood and Toby Mcguire: whoever dies first gets played by the other in the biopic
@gerryhatric: A man was arrested on Brighton beach today for throwing pebbles at the sea birds. He was accused of having left no tern unstoned.
@zgbetty: The 2nd grade teacher asked parents to donate supplies for tie dye tshirt day but I'm not sure I can come up with that much weed by Friday.
@TheDeadfishSays: "Everything the light touches is ours," I tell my son while opening the fridge.