@slimmy_shady: Cop: Are you drunk or high on drugs? Me: No officer. Cop: Your pupils are dilated. Me: (Paranoid) WHA!, how'd you know I teach fat kids?!
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@plumbur: If you start a conversation with "you're gonna say I'm crazy" there's nothing I can do but to congratulate you on your clairvoyance.
@lonewulf87: Son: Dad, what does 'gay' means? Father: It means 'to be happy'. Son: Are you gay? Father: No, son. I have a wife.
@TheBoydP: I heard that no real accountants were consulted during the filming of the new movie The Accountant. They want the movie to be entertaining.