@slimmy_shady: Cop: Are you drunk or high on drugs? Me: No officer. Cop: Your pupils are dilated. Me: (Paranoid) WHA!, how'd you know I teach fat kids?!
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@wolfpupy: hello secretary? i need you to go to that website where you can combine pokemon and combine mew and squirtle, print it out and bring it here
@slyoung5: Have you ever noticed that Santa brings better gifts to the kids that have rich parents?
@usermcuserface: I don't think I'd be as calm as Billy Joel was in that song if an old man was sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin.