@slimmy_shady: Cop: Are you drunk or high on drugs? Me: No officer. Cop: Your pupils are dilated. Me: (Paranoid) WHA!, how'd you know I teach fat kids?!
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@UncleDuke1969: Parent/Child conversation tweets are always so cute & sweet! Thought I'd try one: 18: Can I borrow the car? Me: No Wasn't that adorable?!
@peetiesays: Diamond engagement rings are so last year. Ask for her hand in marriage by presenting her with a full tank of gas.
@Petote: A baby and I locked eyes. I panicked, but thankfully I didn't cry first. Haha stupid baby, I win.