@FatherWithTwins: *overheard from the other room
8yo: Can I have an ice cream sandwich?
Grandma: Did you finish your dinner?
8yo: No
Grandma: Just one then
@Shock_Monster: I don't gossip because:
1. It's not my business.
2. I'm no better than anyone else.
3. And no one tells me any good juicy stuff :(
@Parkerlawyer: Couple finalizing divorce and they are fighting over the joint Facebook account bc candy crush is linked to it.
Anyone want to trade jobs?
@bloodysurgeon1: The glove snap before the prostate exam isn't necessary. We just do that to mess with you.
@Midgetspar: If someone ever asks you for advice just reply with "Buy a penguin". Imagine a scenario where that isn't awesome.
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