@DiamondGirl127: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over ? Me: You wanted to watch me lick my ice cream cone ? Cop: Just go please
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@Big_Cat74: My parents were great parents. They've always treated me and my brother, Douchenozzle McDisappointment, the exact same.
@Tbone7219: You would be fucking amazed how cheap a riding mower is at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and an orange apron.
@Holy_Mowgli: [Pixar Studios] HIRING MANAGER: Your resume says you have prior experience with animation, is that correct? DR. FRANKENSTEIN: Yes
@Mikecanrant: 1) Open a Kinkos style office supply store in Bel Air 2) Name it Fresh Prints 3) Make millions 4) Move to West Philadelphia