@DiamondGirl127: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over ? Me: You wanted to watch me lick my ice cream cone ? Cop: Just go please
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@theshamingofjay: Cop: did you do it? Me: no Cop: you know it's truthful Tuesday right? Me: it's actually Wednesday Cop: damn it, who's your crush then
@robfee: Dang girl are you Die Hard on TBS because it looks like all the good parts are missing.
@flashember: *caterpillar looks up at sky* "My dream is to fly a plane one day." Other Caterpillar: You don't pay any attention in science class, do you?