@DiamondGirl127: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over ? Me: You wanted to watch me lick my ice cream cone ? Cop: Just go please
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@TheHatdog: Google Search: -is my toaster broken -can fire ants make toast -bathtub fire, small -house fire, how to stop -is house fire toast a thing?
@Donna_McCoy: My new table from Ikea is actually just the unopened box with a tablecloth thrown over it.
@longwall26: I know this is only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like permission to rename your cat.
@bazecraze: A National Treasure where Nicholas Cage has to find the model number on a 15 year old dishwasher.