@DiamondGirl127: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over ? Me: You wanted to watch me lick my ice cream cone ? Cop: Just go please
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@electrolemon: "let's put computers and keyboards in our cars. now let's go catch all the people typing on tiny keyboards in their cars" - cops
@JakeBeTweeting: I don't discriminate; - thin cake - fat cake - round cake - flat cake - upside down cake I love them all equally.
@OtherDanOBrien: [Lady is being robbed] "Help, Social Media Man!" [Social Media Man swoops in & creates a facebook page called Mugging Is Bad]