@i_eat_fruit: COP: do you know why I pulled you over
ME: knock knock
COP: who’s there
ME: do you know why I pulled you over
COP: *begins to sweat* n..no
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@ThaJawn: Columbus: I like it here Native American: Me too, that's why I live here Columbus: Why you 'used to live here'
@SadMeterologist: Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married & live together so I'd have to see them every day.
@panmidwest: DOG: she keeps using heart emojis when we text DOG FRIEND: which color heart? DOG: *shows friend phone* the gray one DOG FRIEND: omg
@badbanana: No thanks, Trix cereal. I have enough drama in my life without a rabbit trying to steal my breakfast.
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