@AristotlesNZ: Cop failed me on the sobriety test even tho I not only touched my nose like he asked but went on & totally nailed the rest of the macarena.
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@BobTheSuit: The self-checkout screen says "Finish and pay." I feel like I'm with an irritable hooker.
@aveuaskew: *walks into interview* Thanks for coming in today. I'm Mr. Maballsonya, but please call me Phil. *walks out of interview*
@tomwalkerisgood: As his name is not "Biggest Bird", we are to understand that Sesame Street is home to at least one, perhaps more, truly immense unseen birds