@wizdom: Cop : "Lets Do a drug test" Me: "Cool, which drugs are we testing?"
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@Smooheed: I like to make things awkward at family gatherings by walking up behind each person and whispering 'I know what you did last Christmas'
@TheBoydP: My walk of shame is leaving a handicapped restroom stall while trying not to make eye contact with the wheelchair guy who was waiting on me.
@tweetfaver: hey there delilah, oh shit no i meant vicky babe i promise you're the only one no this is not a hickey ?it's just a bruuuise ?
@buckweiser13: Being nice to people who don't deserve it is exhausting, but the feeling at the end of the day, when you're not in jail for murder, is nice.