@wizdom: Cop : "Lets Do a drug test" Me: "Cool, which drugs are we testing?"
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@awordforaword: If the radius of a pizza is Z and the thickness is A, then the volume of pizza is PI x Z x Z x A. #asianshowingoff
@hammbone84: Turns out that my wife isn't very fond of me referring to her period tracker app as the Countdown to Armageddon.
@murrman5: Remember that time you were reluctant to test my latest invention "amnesia pills" but did anyway? "No" excellent.
@HatfieldAnne: “Service Dog, Do Not Pet.” We're sure this means me? Should we ask the dog? We should ask the dog.