@wizdom: Cop : "Lets Do a drug test" Me: "Cool, which drugs are we testing?"
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@mikealfredcaine: my cousin jeff died today. sent flowers to the family with a little card saying "jeff is dead" so they know what the flowers are for
@Mr_Kapowski: "Don't tell me how to raise my cat!," I yell at my 7 y/o daughter who's chastising me for baby birding a tuna sandwich into my cat's mouth
@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes What's black and white and makes a lot of noise? A panda with a set of drums.
@prozdkp: Mitt Romney dissing Trump is like when an anime villain from the previous arc teams up to help stop the new billion times more evil villain