@thejamietighe: *cop pulls me over*
Cop:Had a bit to drink tonight?
Me:What makes you think I've been drinking?
*cop leans over and turns off lawnmower*
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@Fred_Delicious: *sees a hot girl on the train* "ay gurl check this out" *i try to seductively eat a banana but i miss my mouth & smush it into my forehead*
@Heart_choo: It takes a car 30 years to become vintage. It takes a phone 30 days.
@daniel_shaw: Personal trainer said we're going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese. He hates me.
@samalmightysam: ''I want to ruin some songs today.'' -The producers of Glee every morning.
@BellPupper: ME: hey I’m just in time to watch the meteor shower! METEOR: um, how about a little privacy?
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