@NoogsCorner: Cop: You been drinking?nnMe: No.nnCop: Say the alphabet backwards.nnMe: Alphabet the. nnCop: Hilarious. Say each letter.nnMe: Each letter.
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@fro_vo: Doctor: you're never too old to start exercising Me: cool thanks i'll start in maybe like 15 years then
@daemonic3: The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco
@jake_likes_naps: [spills whole tub of salsa on cat] Oh dang [grabs chip] Hold still [cat starts running away] I SAID HOLD STILL
@Brampersandon_: CASHIER: $57.85 ME: do u accept food stamps C: of course M: sweet *presses my apple stamper to an ink pad* which hand do u want it on