@JennyJohnsonHi5: Cops are raiding Justin Bieber's house looking for eggs. Seriously. Eggs. I can't make this shit up. This is why other countries hate us.
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@joci2203: Him: How many glasses of wine have you had today? Me: One, but it was in the shape of a giant bottle.
@internetluke: "STOP IT STOP IT. CUT. THIS IS ALL WRONG" I scream at my cats dressed like vampires. "This is NOTHING like Twilight!!"
@AaronFullerton: "What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I'm saying?! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!" -anyone dating Taylor Swift
@NoTrophy4You: The reason why there aren't much female superheroes is that you can't expect a girl to wear the same superhero costume twice in a month