@ch000ch: cops at DUI checkpoints should just check to see if u texted ur ex at some point throughout the night
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@truegritrumble: "How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?" -Cats
@Reverend_Scott: Meanwhile, at the bar: Batman: "Whisky." Aquaman: "Appletini." "WHAT?" "It's vodka, apple schnapps..." "You're off the Justice League."
@DannyZuker: Daughter is acting so rude I'm not sure she's even mine. Think my wife may have cheated on me with YouTube's comments section.