@ch000ch: cops at DUI checkpoints should just check to see if u texted ur ex at some point throughout the night
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@Sanbel11: Stuck in traffic but luckily few people are beeping their horns so we'll be moving any second now.
@AaronFullerton: Before you buy that nice jacket online, ask yourself: "Am I willing to delete one extra email every day for the rest of my life?"
@Shade510: Me 5pm: Need to go easy on the booze tonight, have to function tomorrow. Me 1am: *twerking in a Denny's parking lot.