@ch000ch: cops at DUI checkpoints should just check to see if u texted ur ex at some point throughout the night
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@sumpeoplelikeit: If you ask me where your glasses are, and they're on your head, I will help you look for them forever.
@twelveyearsold: i was just roughed up by a hipster bully. he gave me a knuckle sandwich, but also offered a gluten free alternative
@LiamDrydenEtc: "Millennials are so entitled!" Aye well I don't see 20-somethings screaming for the manager because their coupon expired a month ago, Janet