@michael_J_m00n: Cops said my blood alcohol level was above the legal limit which is crazy because I don't even drink blood alcohol.
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@SICKOFWOLVES: I JUST WANT A JOB WHERE I CAN SIT ABSOLUTELY STILL AND IF ANYONE DISTURBS ME I GET TO SCREAM
@wendyraepearce: My twitter crush just broke up with me for saying WWE wasn't real. The irony is not lost here.
@rickygervais: It seems to be true, particularly in middle America, that those most militant about using up fossil fuels, don't actually believe in fossils