@michael_J_m00n: Cops said my blood alcohol level was above the legal limit which is crazy because I don't even drink blood alcohol.
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@Quadricycle: *Frantically typing on google* 'How to do CPR' *Opens video, 30 second ad pops up* [To dying person] Ok just hold on a sec
@dulcetry: My son will never know the thrill of illegally downloading Thong Song on napster and waiting 1h39m for it to download
@Brampersandon_: *tightens straps on electric chair* Any last words? -I think male oysters should be called boysters Omg will someone throw the damn switch