@Ginlicker: Cops would catch more drunk drivers if they just stood outside with signs that say HONK IF YOU'RE WASTED!
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@Marlebean: It's like the only thing my kids learned from Snow White is that fruit is horribly poisonous.
@matt___nelson: [interrogation] Where were you last night? "Out killing people" Louder for the tape [leans in] "The Cheesecake Factory, that's where I was"
@joeyhuggles: My favorite response to someone asking how something works... "Magic" even when I do know how it works. Because Lazy
@Darlainky: If your gym clothes don't have sweat stains, I have just one question for you..... ...what detergent are you using?