@Ginlicker: Cops would catch more drunk drivers if they just stood outside with signs that say HONK IF YOU'RE WASTED!
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@Book_Krazy: Good morning babe! Do you like good girls? [Starts making you breakfast] or bad girls [burns the toast] Him: How did you get in my house?
@AmishPornStar1: Cashier at the liquor store wished me “Happy Holidays”... As if I’m not going to be back three more times before Christmas.
@dxblarssonENG: Teenage daughter called me an old fart. We both laughed and then I changed the password to our wifi.