@ticknada: Cops: You were driving while intoxicated nnMe: I was in no condition to walk
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@rockymomax: [first day as 911 operator] ME: 911 what's your- your- *looks over to boss* BOSS: emergency ME: hey, gotta go we have an emergency here
@0point5twins: Anyone got a 10 year old daughter I could introduce as mine? Stuck in an elaborate lie after putting my music on shuffle at a party.
@imdaintyaf: Stop fussing over whether the glass is half full or half empty and just marvel at the fact that I managed to produce that much discharge.