@SlabBaconBP: Could you Christian rock singers please invest in a thesaurus. I think God is fully aware by now that you think he is "great" and "awesome."
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@SamuelHLowe: -Why didn't you answer your home phone? -Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me? -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.
@DaddyJew: Her: have you had the sex talk with our son yet? Me: *looks over at son wearing crocs* I think we can wait a few years
@EndhooS: [Jack Black's birthday] Oh wow..ANOTHER rock polisher, thanks grandma. "How is Rock School going dear?" It's School of ro- *sigh* nevermind.
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.