@WarrenHolstein: Could you imagine being the Secret Service agent that blocked a bullet for Donald Trump, 20 years later? You wouldn't tell anyone.
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@PrettyInCamo11: The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" We just laughed and laughed. I need bail money.
@AimeeHelene1: *builds a fort out of paper towel packages at store* *coerces other customers to bring me cheese samples in exchange for fort privileges*
@Inconsteveable: Me: "Can I leave work half an hour early?" Boss: "Only if you make up the time." "OK. It's 35 past 50." Boss: "Just go.."