@WarrenHolstein: Could you imagine being the Secret Service agent that blocked a bullet for Donald Trump, 20 years later? You wouldn't tell anyone.
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@gingerfaced: I wish snacks could talk so they could verify my whereabouts from 1 am to 3 am this morning.
@Dawn_M_: I stepped on two raccoons today, but I'm just gonna play it cool and wear them as slippers for the rest of my life.
@RobDenBleyker: I hope I never meet the girl of my dreams because she's a thirty foot half witch half crocodile who chases me endlessly through darkness.