@WarrenHolstein: Could you imagine being the Secret Service agent that blocked a bullet for Donald Trump, 20 years later? You wouldn't tell anyone.
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@PJTLynch: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Technically I pulled myself over, you only asked C: I know, right? They make us say it like that
@Oshungurl: Politics isn't confusing. You have a choice of being screwed by one of two gorillas and one is considerate enough to use lube. Now choose.
@stockejock: I just danced like no Juan was watching, but he totally was and he cut off the tequila then threw me out of his restaurant you guys.
@JagAskell: Dunno how you Americans have the motivation and energy to pronounce the 'y' in 'basil' and 'tomatoes'.