@MauriceBlitz: Couldn't afford a butterfly knife, so I got a caterpillar one. Now, I wait.
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@Tw1tter_K1tten: Accidentally drew my eyebrows on too dark and thick and now I live on Sesame Street with Ernie.
@LittleMissZesty: No matter how good your raspberry body wash smells, don't be tempted to drizzle it over your ice cream. I've been burping bubbles for days.
@Cpin42: I’m sick of people blaming the Internet when someone gets killed. Watch the History Channel. Hitler didn’t find the Jews on craigslist.