@juliussharpe: Count Chocula cereal is the perfect combination of breakfast and fear.
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@stevevsninjas: wife: what's wrong? slug: boss said I work slowly. wife: he's harsh. take it with a grain of- slug: TAKE IT WITH A GRAIN OF WHAT, DIANE?
@RobElliottComic: Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: *panics* do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain
@JasonLastname: [boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]
@darinlovesbacon: Some woman at my office just said Star Trek when we were all talking about Star Wars and now our IT guy is refusing to fix her computer.