@kumailn: "Count down to zero silently with your fingers and then do a fist pump." - SWAT manual on breaking down doors
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@SocialBitterfly: *one day before marriage* Parents: Don't talk to the groom. Don't see him. Don't think. *one day after marriage* Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!
@sickipediabot: Breaking News ..... international womans day postsponed until tomorrow , as they haven't got anything to wear
@GregDunbar1: Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
@noog: Exposing kids to violent video games is appalling. They should be in church praying to a bloody statue of a man nailed to a cross in agony.