@GalleriadiGiani: Counting Crows #GoodBandNameBadFirstDate
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@AlanFelyk: It’s amazing how many people can hit pine trees and drive with them still hanging on their car roofs. Like nothing happened.
@iRowlf: Baby monitors are pointless because most babies simply stop doing illegal shit as soon as they realize you've got their room bugged.
@mishakey: You know those disgusting people who lick their fingers instead of using a napkin in public? Hi.
@TheTweetOfGod: The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes.