@Underchilde: Counting to ten after someone pisses you off gives you time to think of somewhere to bury them.
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@WilliamAder: People keep talking about the new Star Wars trailer. In my day, Star Wars had SPACESHIPS!
@FrenulumBreve: [Witness Protection Program] So the more ordinary, mundane your new name is, the easier it'll be to blend into your new- BUBBLENUTS McFUNKY!
@Book_Krazy: Seems like everybody is wishing to find that special someone in their life, and I'm just over here wishing I could eat without getting fat
@fro_vo: [on a speed date] (okay don’t let her know you’re a zombie) “so, what do you like best in a woman?” BRAAAIIINNNSS