@williamwanton: Couples that stay fit together don't trust each other enough to go to the gym alone
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@CourtneyBale: "Excuse me, do you validate parking?" I sure do, champ. *kisses your forehead* Your parking is second to none.
@AGreaterMonster: Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest strength? Me: Definitely my insecurities. Very strong.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I share an office thermostat with a middle aged woman. I'm in a t-shirt while she's rubbing 2 pencils together trying to start a trash fire