@williamwanton: Couples that stay fit together don't trust each other enough to go to the gym alone
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@hipstermermaid: I just want a time machine so I can show up at the Salem witch trials with an iPad.
@daemonic3: [pharmacy] "I'd like a refill for this bottle of pills" PHARMACIST: Would you like childproof? "No thanks, I already believe in children"
@LoveNLunchmeat: When I was a kid, we jumped fences, biked without helmets & drank out of public water fountains. It was a dangerous time, full of microbes.