@williamwanton: Couples that stay fit together don't trust each other enough to go to the gym alone
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@SomeChrisTweets: When someone ends a sentence with "af" they were hastily trying to type "A FALCON DESCENDS UPON ME" but could not make it in time.
@missmayn: I find it in poor taste that the 1am drive-thru attendant asks "How are you?" Not good, Maria. Clearly.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My mom (seriously) asked if my friend's brother "still had down syndrome." No mother, he walked it off.