@williamwanton: Couples that stay fit together don't trust each other enough to go to the gym alone
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@goldengateblond: You may think a squirt of water in the face is the best way to reprimand cats but turns out it works pretty well on people too.
@randygdub: trump is putting everyone who works at goldman sachs in the government so that there's no one left to run GS and they go out of business
@_thatigirl: Rude lady to me, "Well I'm sorry but you don't LOOK sick to me." Me, "Looks can be deceiving. For example, you don't look stupid."
@scottthetwat: Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.