@nerdreign: Courtney Love thinks she found the plane. It's like God doesn't trust us to write our own jokes.
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@MartaEffing: *sees person I know in a crowd* *waves enthusiastically* * realizes I don't know person* * changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*
@NakedWhiteAss: Hey guys, which cell phone provider drops the most calls? I need to get one for my mom.
@Paxochka: I'm 5'5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.