@nerdreign: Courtney Love thinks she found the plane. It's like God doesn't trust us to write our own jokes.
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@KrazykurtKurt: I usually spend my Sundays texting apologies but I've had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.
@RastaHipsta: Mission Impossible? He's done four of them now. Let's call it "Mission Pretty Hard but Ultimately Doable"
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Why were you speeding? Me: SHE'S IN LABOR! Cop: That's a beach ball in a wig. Me: Cop: Me: I don't think I'm the father. Cop: Get out.