@confuciusjokes: Cow with a twitch, beef jerky.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Reverend_Scott: [sees cute girl jog by] "Imma run up and ask her out" [one block later still not caught up] "Ok, wow, we probably weren't soul mates anyway"
@_Kim_Jongun: I'm not a god. I'm a regular guy who just happens to be immortal and perfect in every way. There's a difference.
@WilliamAder: Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."
@GeorgeScumbag: Remember ladies. It goes from Twitter to Kik to Voxer to cell phone number to address to being dismembered in a motel bathtub.