@ghostkrogh: Cowboys would still be alive today if they hadn't shot all of their spare bullets in the air after winning one gunfight.
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@Reverend_Scott: mugger: GIMME UR MONEY "All I have is this $5 grandma gave me on my birthday" [mugger pulls off mask revealing grandma] IT'S PAYBACK TIME
@pintofdraft: I'm quitting the blueberry only diet. I haven't lost a pound and I'm getting tired of blueberry pancakes, muffins and poptarts every meal.
@sadvil: Mark Zuckerberg running for office is a terr… [Mark appears in window holding transcript of any of my convos with a girl in 2009] …ific idea
@joeljeffrey: Me: Siri set an alarm for 6am tomorrow morning. I want to go to the gym before work. Siri: Lol