@ghostkrogh: Cowboys would still be alive today if they hadn't shot all of their spare bullets in the air after winning one gunfight.
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@bombsydoll: girl at work scraped the frosting off her cake because there was 'too much' & it was 'too sweet' so I ate her frosting & then I ate her
@HomeProbably: The best thing I ever did was install a fake doorbell. Now no one ever knocks on my door.
@dumbbeezie: I deserve an Oscar for acting like I can see a baby when someone shows me an ultrasound pic
@thenatewolf: ME: If only there was an instrument that sounded like a really sassy duck. CLARINET PLAYER: [excitedly moistening his reed] Buckle up baby.