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@iinkedZombie: Coworker: did you have a good weekend?
Me: obviously not since I came back to work.
@Cheeseboy22: Pretty upsetting that gummy worms are actual size but gummy bears are not.
@3sunzzz: I'm jealous of turtles, they can go home whenever they want.
@badbanana: I relate to #PizzaRat because if I found a slice of pizza as big as a car you can bet I'd try my best to take that thing home.
@bokhootie: IM CRYING AT HIS REPLY
@ASmallFiction: "I challenge you to a duel!"
"Very well. The weapon?"
"A capital choice."
"Thank you, I- oh! I see you've dueled before!"