@amishschool: Coworker left himself signed in to LinkedIn and now his skills include "mouth breathing".
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@AmishPornStar1: Me: Ooh, I'd love to go to your party, but I have a dentist appointment. Her: On a Saturday night? Me: I've got really bad teeth.
@radtoria: Whoever decided to use pantyhose as a bank robbing disguise must have had one hell of a speech to convince his buds to follow along.