@Brianhopecomedy: Brought my 5 year old to the tax office to ensure that the accountant works as quickly as possible.

@MrDelFreaky: Fun Fact: If you lie down in an aisle at Walmart for a couple hours, they will tag you and put you in a clearance bin.

@GingerGander: There is a vast difference between an underdog and a loser, the first one has a real chance to win.

@KentWGraham: There’s a fire at a trick birthday candle plant. Firefighters have been battling the blaze on and off for 5 days.

@Book_Krazy: Me: I love these lazy Sundays. Boss: It's Tuesday. Get off my couch and out of my office. And for Christ's sake, put some clothes on!