@koalaslament: Coworker said 'nice pink shirt, when did you come out?' I said 'IT'S NOT PINK IT'S SALMON!'. Then I snapped my fingers and skipped away.
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@KeetPotato: [friends chatting in back of my car] "im good at impressions" how good? "watch" in satnav voice: "turn left" [i drive us clean off a bridge]
@SlappNuttz: My children have acquired a keen sense for knowing exactly when I'm about to forget them at a store.