@koalaslament: Coworker said 'nice pink shirt, when did you come out?' I said 'IT'S NOT PINK IT'S SALMON!'. Then I snapped my fingers and skipped away.
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@CheryeDavis: Of all the grotesque sounds coming from the bathroom stall next to me, the camera click was the most disturbing!!
@SteveSuckington: [blind date] HER: lmao! You seriously wore pajamas on a first date? ME: hey!! You're not blind!!
@amydillon: It's not a family vacation until someone threatens to throw a prized possession from a moving vehicle.