@koalaslament: Coworker said 'nice pink shirt, when did you come out?' I said 'IT'S NOT PINK IT'S SALMON!'. Then I snapped my fingers and skipped away.
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@duumb: me: [teary eyed] if anything ever happened to you i would kill myself her: ur kinda weird for a surgeon
@david8hughes: [bank robbery] Robber 1: put money in the bag Robber 2: how come u get to be robber 1? Robber 4: how do u think I feel. There's only 3 of us
@breatheandlove: If you're using YOLO to justify doing something stupid, remember you only DIE once too. Inspirational tweet.
@thegreatnanak: Me: I gotta find a purpose in life. Later: Blowing a feather trying to keep it in air