@DuhhEmma: Crabs always look like they're walking themselves out of an awkward situation ....
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@rickkondell: I overheard two female coworkers say there was a creepy dude listening to their conversation.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Genie: I'll give you more wishes, I feel bad for you Me: [with 3 ice cream cones on the ground] That's very nice of you
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: Want me to bring coffee up to bed? What my wife said: If you want to What I heard: If you want to live