@bea_ker: Crabs only walk that way when people are looking at them
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@ItsAndyRyan: Me: How long have we had that pillow? Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days
@Meet_Joe_Cool: Potty training my twins is like the Titanic's maiden voyage... In the beginning we are excited, in the end everyone is crying and all wet.
@DaHess1: When I momentarily lack the ability to articulate my thoughts and use a preposition instead. That.
@chris_witha_see: That moment of panic when you realize you haven't checked on your Farmville in like 6 years