@BuckyIsotope: CRAIGSLIST AD: Wanted - chicken nugget shaped like Rafael. Have 2 Leonardo's, willing to trade. Serious offers only. No Michaelangelo's.
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@OutOnTheMoors: Dear USA: Having seen most of your potential candidates, please ditch elections and try the sword-in-the-stone method of choosing a leader.
@Mr_Kapowski: New Coworker: So do you have any kids? Me: Yeah, one too many New Coworker: Haha, oh yeah? How many do you have? Me: One
@notbedelia: If you play Titanic backwards it's about a guy who rises from the sea, bangs a ginger and tries to throw her over the railing of a boat.
@angeliav68: It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside...