@BuckyIsotope: CRAIGSLIST AD: Wanted - chicken nugget shaped like Rafael. Have 2 Leonardo's, willing to trade. Serious offers only. No Michaelangelo's.
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@zachreinert03: I forgot to wear my glasses when I drove today. I didn't even notice I wasn't wearing them until the kid on my windshield said something
@wendchymes: Fight club but just dueling neighbor's aggressively leaf blowing leaves onto each other's lawns.
@findmydolls: 78, 68, 77, 69, 78, 68, 75, 65, 75, 67, 79, 60 My mom & me, changing the thermostat behind each other's backs.
@Chumpstring: GENIE: you have three wishes ME: make math go away GENIE: ha ok that one's on the house ME: oh so I still get three wishes? GENIE: huh?