@Dawn_M_: *crawls out of your television and tries to kill you* I'm not like other girls.
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@jwomackou: Wife: how'd you get that burn on your arm?? Me (looking fabulous): not from your curling iron
@dumbbeezie: My doctor is always whispering to me something about not sticking Q tips in my ears. I need a louder doctor
@BuckyIsotope: Hello OnStar? Yes I have an emergency. My wife thinks Pikachu is better than Squirtle. I left her at a gas station. Can you go get her?
@melibuff: Damn boy, are you wearing an anti-gravity suit? 'Cause I'm not the least bit attracted to you.