@Dawn_M_: *crawls out of your television and tries to kill you* I'm not like other girls.
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@WilliamRodgers: TRUE STORY Just made this restaurant change its "All you can drink Brunch" Policy.
@canadasandra: [getting a massage] Me: I have tension in my lower back. *therapist begins* Me: Lower. Me: Lower. Th: But that's your a- Me: Lower!
@simoncholland: My daughter put a horse's head in my bed this morning. It was from an animal cracker but conveyed the message pretty clearly who is boss.