@JohnHilsen: Crazy but true: Over 80 percent of twins seperated at birth have the same exact birthday.
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@tastefactory: [the year 2057] iPhone 49: *reaches for some of my fries* Me: No. if you wanted fries you should have ordered some
@Tmoney68: "Sorry about your dress." "Sorry about the nudity." "Sorry I kept calling your wife sir." - Me, the day after the office Christmas party.
@ibid78: [internet] if u liked this story on cows dressed as plumbers.. [me] I did [i] here's a story on panda cops [barely containing my glee] go on
@ShanaRose21: After reading some marriage tweets I'm beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.