@meladoodle: Crazy how women have the stereotype of being chatty when 90% of dudes have 45 minute podcasts that no one listens to...
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@JennUflect: Teens are like the Magic 8ball of humans, they think they have all the answers & you want to shake them because what they said was stupid.
@ShortSleeveSuit: [Farmer's market] Me: One of your finest farmers plz Farmer: That's not how this works Me: Ok just give me some seeds & I'll grow my own
@goldengateblond: Anyone who says cheetahs are the fastest land mammals hasn't seen me move a cat off an expensive area rug before he pukes.
@iwearaonesie: me *sees wife's cheesecake* future me [sent here to warn me what would happen if I ate it] *knocks on the front door* me *already eating it*