@TrelawnySara: creating an app called Friends With Pools. It's exactly what you think it is.
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@LackOfShame: Mom: "Why are you always on your phone? What's so great about the internet?" Me: It doesn't constantly ask me questions
@mrjohndarby: Cop 1: There's been another murder Cop 2: I think I see a pattern emerging Cop 1: Please. Put your knitting down and focus
@CopBroughtPizza: "even if my client did kill his wife, think of the 7.4 billion people he DIDN'T kill." - my first and last day as a defense attorney