@pleatedjeans: Crime tip: commit all your crimes in space NASA is not the space police there are no laws up there you will not go to jail
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@Just_Lee_: If Bruce Willis does any more Die Hard movies it will just be 90 minutes of him sitting in a rocking chair waiting to die from the flu.
@rainerfm: My boss got hit by a car while I was on my way to the wishing well so yes, I do have some spare change.
@chrisdelia: Me: *Asks question on snapchat* Them: *Answers question on snapchat* Me: "Wait, what did I ask again?"
@jazmasta: *Adobe update puts on fake moustache and glasses* Hi, my name is iOS 7, would you like to download updates?