@jonnysun: crime tip: secretley grease a cop's butt befor a car chase so when he slides acros the hood he'll slip off & keep on slidimg down the street
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@bea_ker: Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a "thirsty boy"
@fro_vo: Sketch Artist: describe the man who attacked you Me: he had dark hair- Sketch Artist: one sec the Peanuts Character Creator is still loading
@iGreenMonk: The first step is admitting you have a problem. Unless your problem is always admitting things then I don't really know how to help you.
@badbanana: When I want something a little healthier than an ice cream sandwich, I usually go for an ice cream salad.