@ThisOneSayz: Cross a mobster in the streets. Horse's head in the sheets.
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@aka_fatman: Let's play the Rihanna drinking game! We'll drink a shot of vodka every time she says 'work'. [2 minutes later] *house is on fire*
@CulturedRuffian: I ruined my diet to finish the last 5 donuts in the office because my coworkers are on a diet too so yeah, I sacrifice for the people I love
@mattZillaaaa: [on a 1st date] Me: I'm just looking to take things slow Her: *in a wedding dress* me too
@behindyourback: Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me they long to be/eating your sandwich