@ThisOneSayz: Cross a mobster in the streets. Horse's head in the sheets.
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@KentWGraham: How can my wife's hands not open a jar of pickles in the day, but become superhuman vice-grips at night when I want some covers?
@lafpgh: Showed my husband all the super-awesome Twitter lists I'm on. He put me on a list called People I Probably Shouldn't Have Married.
@zachreinert03: Hey people who say 'I want my funeral to be like this': what are you going to do about it if they don't do it like that?
@Tha6God: I HAVE BEEN TO FOUR DIFFERENT FABRIC STORES LOOKING FOR THIS 'WIFEY MATERIAL'! WHERE COULD THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL BE!?