@TheRolo: Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
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@BlindChow: "That'll be $19.94." *pulls out $50 bill* "Sorry, we've had a problem with counterfeit bills. Have anything smaller?" *pulls out $25 bill*
@ComedicBust: DETECTIVE: What’s wrong, never seen a dead body before? ME: [biting nails] No sir. DETECTIVE: Well biting its nails isn’t going to help.
@SillySassySmart: The awkwardness of my life is equivalent to when somebody says "Happy Birthday" and you say "Thanks you too!"
@3sunzzz: So it turns out that you can't use Cool Whip as shaving cream, apparently. Narrator: Ursula needed 3 stitches in an undisclosed location.