@JasonLastname: Crouching tiger, public toilet seat.
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@FatherWithTwins: *co-worker approaching elevator* *I try to hit "close door" button* *I miss, hit "open door"* Co-worker: thanks for holding it Me: Of course
@_blotty: Him: you're so beautiful. The moment you smiled at me,u had me Me: that's really sweet Me in my head: I have a piece of my poo in my purse
@SassyTxGirl83: Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard..... Pillow fight