@JasonLastname: Crouching tiger, public toilet seat.
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@twelveyearsold: i was just roughed up by a hipster bully. he gave me a knuckle sandwich, but also offered a gluten free alternative
@SirEviscerate: CABLE COMPANY: Someone will be there between 6:30 am and 9:45 pm. ME: That's pretty vague. CC: Oh, sorry. It'll be a cable TV installer.
@crunchenhancer: I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.