@Twisted_Mettle: Croutons and cherry tomatoes are the natural enemies of the plastic fork.
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@NicCageMatch: The turkey is the luckiest one at the Thanksgiving table because it's already dead.
@TheWoodenslurpy: My paranoid boyfriend broke up with me. "It's not you," he said, looking around. "It's them."
@AaronFullerton: I think it's unfair that when a human eats uncooked fish it's "sushi," but when a fish eats uncooked human, it's "a shark attack."
@Duke1173: I'd like to thank the British for wearing red coats and making it easier to shoot them 238 years ago. We couldn't have done this without you