@ceejoyner: Crowds hated it but the best weapon for fighting a lion in the gladiator ring was a spray bottle and a firm "NO."
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@Danny_Dilford: I was wondering why I wasn't picking up any chicks recently, but then I realized my Monster energy sticker fell off my car
@DilemmaEmmaEmma: Once when I had a broken toe, my mom told me to walk it off. When Princess Di died, she sobbed for a day.
@ericsshadow: [me telling a joke] guy wearing a "Make America Great Again" hat: I don't understand. ME: There's probably a lot you don't understand.