@audipenny: Crows are like if a witch decided "I'm a bird now, too"
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@ChribHibble: The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene, but that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.
@simoncholland: My credit card was declined and when I called Visa they asked me to verify that I was a 39 year old man buying a unicorn frappuccino.
@RaineyKnight666: Relax lady, you can quit giving me dirty looks. I don't want my own husband, so I sure as hell don't want yours.
@Smooheed: Bad hair day 429: I no longer look as though I've been electrocuted, but the birds, so, so many birds