@joeljeffrey: Crude oil is the worst kind of oil because it says offensive things while it pollutes the water and ruins our planet.
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@Schindizzle: My prompt email replies are 10% due to me being a diligent employee, and 90% due to the crippling OCD that compels me to clear my inbox.
@jferg1616: Best Buy: What's your street name? Me: FUNK MASTER FERG bia bia! Best Buy: No, the name of your street.
@_2Birds1Stoned_: If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily.
@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency? "How do u unburn pizza?" U burnt a pizza "Yes" I'll send a squad car "Ok will they help?" No ur under arrest