@joeljeffrey: Crude oil is the worst kind of oil because it says offensive things while it pollutes the water and ruins our planet.
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@IamEveryDayPpl: Me: "I need big girl clothes." Him: "You haven't gained that much." Me: "I meant adult clothes for work." Him: "Does the couch pull out?"
@Sassafrantz: My whole life has felt like one big hammock and everybody is watching me try to get out of it.
@trevso_electric: Women! Can't live with 'em, can't sell 'em or Liam Neeson will find you and kill you.