@joeljeffrey: Crude oil is the worst kind of oil because it says offensive things while it pollutes the water and ruins our planet.
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@dumbbeezie: When someone tells me they're sick I try to make them feel better with a story about my own sickness that was much worse and many years ago.
@jbringsmayhem: 9: do they drink beer in heaven? Me: I kinda doubt it... 9: does somebody check for it at the gate? Me: ...
@behindyourback: *a friend tells me their problems* me: mhm, ok, have you tried eating about it?