@gitson_shiggles: Cryptocurrency sounds like an entrance fee to a mausoleum.
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@PORNOPINION: Tried to console my ex after losing her bf and all I could muster was, "there's plenty more married men out there."
@AmericanGent69: *slow jams playing in the background Her: take off my pants Me: oh my bad, right, ok I totally thought these were mine.
@MarisaLange: If you think you have a stupid question, just remember NASA engineers once asked Sally Ride if 100 tampons were enough for a 7 day mission.
@hippieswordfish: *erases 1 and writes 0 on the 'days without incident' chart at Earl's Discount Stilts and Ceiling Fans*