@gitson_shiggles: Cryptocurrency sounds like an entrance fee to a mausoleum.
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@k_lli: Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how ‘Tree Trunk’ is doing
@WilliamAder: If you get a present from me with scissors and a roll of tape trapped under the wrapping paper, I'm gonna need those back.
@XplodingUnicorn: Priest: Do you read to your kids from the Good Book? Me: Every night Priest: What's their favorite part? Me: When Frodo destroys the ring